...but that leaves nothing. Along with me, you've neglected the urge to be real, real with me. If I asked for one thing - just say I love you - but I know you won't blink. Truth won't pass your lips, I know. Stop pretending.
It's funny how life rolls round like a ball and always hits you in the same place. This week has been full of tough news, stress, and surprisingly, love. I've never felt so close to some of my friends. I've decided that this year is going to be about pouring time into the friendships that matter - and the friendships that are healthy. I'm sick of one-sided friendships and I deserve better than that. It's so hard for me to say that but I wish I'd realized it years ago.
So much of my life is about pleasing other people and making them happy, and forgetting about myself. I need to take care of myself. I can't love the way I do without repercussions. So fuck the world, I'm taking some time for me. The world has been spinning for plenty long without me taking care of everything, it can keep on going. Someone asked me the other day why I spend so much time in the theatre. Actually, what they asked was "Do you think it's going to burn down without you there?" They were joking, but it's a good point. It's hard to balance Diana's expectations with the fact that I have a life, but it's something that I need to do, and I need to be honest with her when she's insane about how much I'm expected to do as a student and part of her team.
I'm off to church, and then I'm off to take on the world (or just my nerves). Wish me luck - I'm sure you'll hear about this.
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