pour a little salt, we were never here.

well, shit.

i'm just done with this.

i don't even know.

no one reads this.

no one reads me.

it's like i've got this whole world caught in my throat,

and no one notices that it's choking me.

Recently, I've felt anchored. Secure in my doom to never leave the bottom of the ocean, but for some reason never drown.

The problem with this is that the point in the ocean that I'm anchored to has a whirlpool swirling around it, and everything and everyone is moving so fast that even if I tried to reach out the touch someone, I'd just get whiplash.

No one seems to take what I say seriously.

i'll keep writing even though no one has looked at this blog besides me since last february.

i don't know why i feel the need to keep trying, but i'll save the world until i fall apart.

i did this last year.

it created a flurry of fake-care.

for like a month, all of my friends were concerned and loving and tried oh-so-hard to include me.

and then promptly forgot as soon as they felt better about themselves.

so don't try.

don't bother.

I found that in my drafts a little while ago. It's definitely old. Life seems to move in a circular motion, and only a few seem to leap out of the loop and into the world. Sometimes I do wonder why I try so hard, but in the end I know it's because I care. and if caring is a fault, then you can go to hell. I'm trying so hard to be content with what I have because I know its good but my dreams are so much bigger than the small towns I get myself stuck in. I could be happy here if I let go. But I've never known how to let go. Friends are like snow. i love it so much, but i never know what to do with it, and it never sticks around quite long enough - or if it does, it browns with misuse.

it's like slow-dancing to a beat too fast to hear.
it's like eating pie every day of the year.
it's like holding you close every night in my dreams.
it's like knowing that no one hears my screams.
it's like going crazy bit by bit.
it's like being afraid of being a bitch.

I don't know anymore. and I think that's what I'm supposed to say, so I don't want to say it.
"i don't know why i feel the need to keep trying, but i'll save the world until i fall apart."