You could see her cry, with a smile and a wink and a sparkle in her eyes. She calmly sighed, "I will be alright."
The Motley Crue concert kicked my ass. I have never been so content with my music choice. The New York Dolls were fantastic, Poison were preposterous but fun, and Motley Crue just about destroyed me. There were fantastic. My concertmates (totally a word) were splendiferous as well. I really enjoy hanging out with those two, and it was some much-needed time with the guys. I love the many girls I have learned to be friends with over the past few years, but I definitely needed some time with guy friends.
This weekend, so far, as revealed to me some self-truths. I'm going to do some blatant word vomit processing here.
Truth #1 - I swear too much.
I think that it is a healthy thing to be comfortable swearing around specific people. I think it is good to not be afraid of a word just for the connotations - not judging a book by its cover, to be cliche. I do not think that it is okay to swear whenever the hell I want just for shits and giggles. The fact that "shits and giggles" is even a common phrase in my vocabulary says something about my swearing policy. I'm not afraid of words like fuck or cunt, but I know that both of those words offend a lot of people. I know that most swearing is done by people in my age range. This time in life is all about finding the balance between living for yourself and respecting other people. A lot of my swearing is rude and disrespectful. I didn't realize it until I caught myself saying "shit" in front of my siblings, to my parents. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it quite yet, but the realization itself was an important moment.
Truth #2 - I am far too stubborn about being independent.
I've known this for awhile - I mean, who fights boys when they open car doors for you? (p.s. thank you, tumnus...) - but a recent injury has really brought this to light. I rolled my ankle on the walk to Dana's tonight. It was dark and I was in all black. Luckily, Katie was with me and patiently waited for me to be able to stand again. It's not terrible (i think) but it hurts. I wouldn't even let Katie help me stand up. I remember sophomore year tripping up the risers in Stage II and literally bruising half of my body, and refusing Mike's help for at least an hour before it hurt so much that I gave in. Balance again, right? It's a good thing to be independent. That doesn't mean that I shouldn't allow people to help me when I do need it. Especially when it puts me in danger to refuse the help. I do not have to prove myself to anyone.
Truth #3 - I take far too long to move on.
I don't hold grudges, at least not thus far in life. But there are other things to move on from, crushes being the top of my list, and I seem to struggle with that. I have this friend who can't seem to hold on to a crush for longer than a week. I've never understood why, because I hold on to them for ages. I'm sure that friend does not understand why I can like someone for an entire year without them ever showing signs of reciprocation (or why, even after I'm 'over' someone, I get random flare ups that endanger my friendships). I don't know why I'm so prone to hold on. I used to think it meant that I was meant for a long relationship someday. I'm not so sure any more, no matter what my mounds of guy (and gay) friends say. It doesn't mean as much coming from someone who will never so much as look at me like that. I appreciate it all the same, but it is less convincing than ever right now.
Truth #4 - My love language is decidedly touch.
And it sucks.
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