One more question: How is this one big lesson?

I don't think that there's a quiz, but if there is I'll be outside.

It's that time again! I get to make the beautiful five hour drive back to Spokane in just a few days, and I'm bouncing with excitement. This summer has been interesting for me, and I can't wait to see what the school year will bring me - especially since I'm going to LONDON!
I love my school for many reasons. Whitworth is gorgeous. The students AND faculty are incredible. The theatre department is seriously the coolest thing since sliced bread. One of my advisors' last name is Sprenkle. Seriously, how cool is that? Saga actually doesn't taste that bad. There are traditions to be upheld. There are pinecones everywhere. I've never walked across campus without seeing a frisbee. =]
I could go on for hours about how much I love Whitworth, but I think that'd get kind of boring (although since half of the people that I know read this blog are Whitworth alumni, I suppose they wouldn't mind too much). I want to write a little bit about the thing I'm most excited for - JAN TERM. I also wanted to take a moment to thank some of the wonderful people that introduced me to Whitworth, but we'll get to that later.
I adore having a 4-1-4 system. The semesters don't drag on, but they aren't rushed either. I took Arthurian Literature last Jan term, and it was incredible. Something about learning for three hours straight is kind of awesome. The snacks and movies helped, too. =P This year, I get the incredible opportunity to spend my Jan term in the wonderful city of London. British Culture Through Theatre and Music is one of the study abroad programs that Whitworth's theatre and music departments offers. I've gotten all the money together, through work and wonderful relatives. I've looked at the pictures from the last trip. I can't believe Ben got to meet Ewan McGregor. I've triple-checked my passport. It's going to be SO cool.
People have been telling me that it is the trip of a lifetime. They make it sound so impactful and life-changing and SCARY. I'm just an innocent eighteen-year-old girl - how many life-changing trips can I go on before I grow up?

My summers have always been the season of change. Besides the whole 'it's your time between school years' deal, the trips that I went on were always incredible. From my very first mission trip to Mexico, when we didn't have a youth leader and everything was weird, to my first houseboat trip, when I realized that growing up had to happen, to my last summer full of mission trips and middle schoolers and houseboats. Every trip I took with my youth group impacted in me in some way or another.
Funnily enough, the trip that impacted my future the most took place in the spring. Our wonderful youth leader, Hannah, took four students to visit the weird college that she'd gone to. We were all juniors. Kenny, Bryce, Tiana, and I stuffed ourselves into her little car and drove five hours to stay in dorms with people we didn't know - except Kenny, who stayed with a Bonnema. From the moment I stepped foot on that campus, I was in love. It felt like home. Almost three years later, it really is home for me. Through incredible parents and a lot of scholarships, I've had a brilliant freshman year and I'm about to start my sophomore. Time has gone by fast, and I want to savor all of the time I've got left at this wonderful place.
So thank you, Hannah, for introducing me to my new home. =]
I also want to thank Jeannie and Travis, because they got married and I met half of the theatre department at their wedding. =D There's a lot more to it than that, but that's the beginning. Jeannie has given me a lot of good advice when it comes to the theatre, and encouraged me to just throw myself into it. That means a lot to me.

This blog had a point when I started it, and I'm not sure I accomplished it. That's okay though, because it reflects my thoughts and that makes it worth posting. =D

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Now playing: Darren Criss - I Still Think
via FoxyTunes

Anyway, the thing is I really mean your eyes are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen.

It has been an interesting summer, for sure. I have survived three weeks of VBS and a week of camp now, and I'm loving it although I'm not entirely sure I could ever do it again. One thing is for sure, though. After four weeks of being mostly "Willow", having people call me Maery again is weird.
I think it is funny how the things that you think are the least likely to change you tend to be the things that really help you learn more about yourself. I've spent the last year or so in a sort of spiritual limbo. I knew what I thought, and I sort of knew what the Bible said, but I didn't really bother to even try and place the two next to each other and compare. The conversations I've had this past week - most of which were either with Bryce while we were driving or with Melody when she wasn't sick - have taught me a lot about myself. I'm reading very slowly through Psalm 119 right now, and the one thing that has really struck me through every section is the idea of finding joy in the law.
I'm a teenager. Rules are lame, right? We're practically made to break them. And while it may be exhilarating to sneak out for skinny dipping or see a movie your mom told you not to see, God's law is a lot bigger than all of that. God's law is love, and what greater joy is there than being loved the way God loves us? In verse 24, both the NIV and the NASB refer to the Lord's commands as being delightful, and as counselors. I think that is SO incredible! Law doesn't seem like a friendly thing, especially not human law. There is so much in this one Psalm about God's love filling the earth completely, and how even when we feel our worst, God revives us with his love. Have you ever been feeling super low, and you get a hug or a smile or someone says "I love you" unexpectedly and suddenly, your day is amazing? God is continually saying "I love you", and if we are smart enough to listen, our whole life is improved!
In closing, Psalm 119:20 in NIV, NASB, and the Message, with added emphasis.
"My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times."
"My soul is crushed with longing after your ordinances at all times."
"My soul is starved and hungry, ravenous! - insatiable for your nourishing commands."

My dad is rich and your dad is dead.

You may have freed our house elf and brought doubt to our family name, but your parents still got toasted by a big green glowing flame.
Alright, so it is about time I wrote my Harry Potter blog, huh? =D I've seen it twice, and have sneaky suspicion that I will see it at least once on Imax and once or twice in Spokane as well. I've heard a lot of opinions on the movie, and a lot of dissent in the ranks of the fandom. I will try to avoid dwelling on what other people think and simply explain how I felt about it.
I, of course, went to the midnight showing. I was dressed as Pansy Parkinson in a costume made almost entirely from my own closet, including my hobo pants from Audience (with Rachel as director) transformed into sparkly ripped jeans emblazoned with a Dark Mark. I was accompanied by a Luna Lovegood, complete with lion hat and radish earrings, a Lavender Brown in pink and brown and curls, a Helga Hufflepuff in a gorgeous dress, and an Ignotus Peverell, who was honestly just too lazy to actually dress up. We all had homemade wands, styled by my lovely friend Jamie (Luna in the picture). There are more pictures on Facebook.
We headed to Red Robin, where we were greeted by a very enthusiastic young man who thought it was SO COOL that we were all dressed up and wouldn't leave us alone. The rest of the restaurant eyed us. I think a few parents were scared for their children. We ran into my friends Aaron and Sasha, who were not dressed up (tsk tsk). After the meal, we swept out of the restaurant and ended up walking the mall for awhile because it was early yet.
One of the greatest things about the Harry Potter fandom is the instant camaraderie between fans, especially on nights like this one. We ran into people, some dressed up, some not, but everyone seemed to know why we were there - and those who didn't soon figured it out. We scared the little asian lady that runs Murasawki, sadly. Other fans would clap and whistle in joyous celebration, and it felt quite like the scene in the first book where the wizarding world is celebrating the downfall of Voldemort for the first time.
We walked back to the theater, deciding that it was time to be committed and join the line. We managed to be one of the last groups in the line inside. Our Luna got a lot of attention - random girls came up and asked for pictures with us! Everyone had the same excited fever, and the whole theater was bustling with energy. They let us in two hours till the movie started, and the mad rush for seats began. We came out victorious, sitting in the middle of a row that was towards the back but not too high. All through the theater, we recognized people, both by costume and because we knew them. A boy dressed as Dumbledore walked in and everyone cheered!
The energy was astounding. It's my favorite part of midnight shows. I am a very loud movie watcher. I engage myself - I yell, cry, laugh, and generally make a fool of myself at any showing, but at a midnight show it is somewhat acceptable. We are the die hard fans, after all. We screamed, cried, jumped, "awwww"d, and laughed as one. Only one person was out of sync. Me.
I am, and have almost always been, a Draco fan in a way that even other Draco fans do not quite grasp. I have two Dracos living in my head: the 'real' one, that J.K. created, and the one that I love so very much that is mostly a product of wishful thinking and too much fanfiction. The real Draco is very much an angst-ridden git, but then so is Harry. MY Draco, however, is quite a wonderful boy and if I ever find a real one like him, I think you'd all like him very much. I see the best of J.K.'s Draco - the man he might have been, had he accepted Dumbledore's help at the end of this movie. Perhaps the man he might have been had Harry accepted his friendship during first year. I'm not always entirely sure where MY Draco ends and J.K.'s begins - they are very similar, after all. Luckily, in the end, they are fictional characters.
And, here, the spoilers begin:
Personally, I LOVED the movie. I feel that Tom Felton finally got his character right, and that the Inferi scene was wonderful, if a little reminiscent of the Dead Marshes. I do wonder how Harry is going to find Ravenclaw's diadem, but the kiss was cute and I'm okay with it for now. Slughorn was an excellent addition, as was Lavender Brown. "Where's my Won-Won?!!?" has never been shouted so well before. Emma Watson's Hermione has grown up beautifully, and I don't say that just because every guy I know thinks she is gorgeous. Rupert Grint delivered a brilliant Ron, especially during the love potion scene.
And Harry. Dearest Harry. That boy that I have grown up with, both on screen and in print. I feel that I cannot ask anymore of poor Daniel Radcliffe, who will probably be typecast for the rest of his life because of this saga. However, Harry does not piss me off in the movies. Book!Harry made me yell at him for being SO stupid and stubborn and so very, very Gryffindor. Movie!Harry does not. Aside from that, I feel like he is doing well.
I do like David Yates as a director SO much more than Alfonso Cuarón or Mike Newell. David's movies are not, however, quite on par with Chris Colombus. Hero Fiennes-Tiffin was an excellent young Tom Riddle, although I liked Frank Dillane a bit more. ;] Dame Maggie Smith is my hero, though. She completed filming for HBP while undergoing radio-therapy for breast cancer.
Alan Rickman was, as always, the perfect Snape. I honestly think that he is the most well-cast actor in the entire film. I can't wait to see the "After all this time?" "Always." scene in the seventh movie - well, it will probabl be the eighth movie, but hey. Michael Gambon feels like the right Dumbledore now. I remember when the switch happened, it was jarring and I was very angry. Dumbledore grew with the books, though, and Michael Gambon is the right kind of Dumbledore for the later books. I feel that the switch might have happened a movie too early, but since Richard Harris died, I can't REALLY complain about that.
My one and only big complaint is the attack on the burrow. It was completely nonsensical! It existed nowhere in the book, and it will totally ruin the REAL attack in the seventh movie. Poor Phlegm and Bill. Perhaps they are planning on cutting that anyways. Grrrr. According to IMDB, "This particular scene was not in the book, but was made just for the movie to serve as a representative of all the news reports, which are scattered around in the source novel, about various attacks by Death Eaters on the wizard community. It was considered to provide better pacing for a movie to have Harry actually experience one such attack first hand, rather than hearing/reading about those that kept happening to some other students, or their relatives." I don't care about pacing - Harry needs to care about other people!
The one other thing that made me incredibly angry is actually rather small. They changed a line of Draco's that sort of changes him, in my opinion. In the movie, he says "I have to kill you, or he'll kill me." While he does say that in the books, he also says this on page 591: "I've got to do it! He'll kill me! He'll kill me whole family!" It's about half way down the page. I think the fact that he is protecting his family as well as himself gives him some sense of humanity, yeah?
Oh, and this just in: Gellert Grindewald has apparently been cast, which means that they will NOT be cutting all of Dumbledore's past from the Deathly Hallows! YAY!
I am done ranting for now, and leave you with these many thoughts to ponder in internet-silence for awhile.

I am what I am and nobody else.

Today, I am helping my mother get ready to go on the Middle School Great Adventure with many of my friends and darling middle school students. It feels really weird to sit calmly at home while Stephie and Brandon and Bryce and Hannah and Ruth and everyone is getting everything together last minute. I know way too much about the trip - even your super secret location, Hannah! - and so it feels like I should be going, even though I haven't been a middle school leader for a year now.
I'm realizing that I honestly miss working with the middle school youth group. While I adore the 1st and 2nd grade kids that I'm leading at VBS, something is missing, and I think its the fact that I can't carry a coherent conversation with the 1st and 2nd grade students. I suppose this means that I'll end up volunteering with a middle school youth group again, and I might even end up like Ruth and continue to do it until I'm confined to a wheelchair. I truly miss it.
At the same time, I know that being a youth leader is not my calling. I'm not Bryce or Kenny. God has something else planned for me, but I can't help but think that he made me for multiple purposes, and that one of them may be volunteer youth work. I want to be a vessel for God, but sometimes its hard to decide if I'm following his wishes or simply my desires. I was so convinced that God wanted me to be a schoolmarm but now I feel like that was just me reconciling my dreams with my parents expectations. I know that I love English and Theatre, and that I have been given talent in English, if not in Theatre as well. I know that I love working with middle school students in the name of the Lord, and that I love being involved in my church. How does that all fit together?
Something I've been struggling with lately is trying to be just me. I don't want to be my mom, or Mrs. Hockman, or even Hannah. I want to be me. That's why I hate it so much when people tell me I look like my mom, or that I've got the same handwriting as my dad. I resented being told that I was going to be the next Mrs. Hockman, and even being told that I reminded some of my favorite mentors of themselves. Can't I just be me and not be this strange compilation of other people? I know its meant to be a compliment most of the time, but I can't help but be irritated every time I hear something like that.
I've successfully gone on a few tangents and I'm going to attempt to bring it back to the MSYG trip. There, look, I did it! =P No matter how much I wish I could be a leader still, I'm so excited for you guys to go and work with those kids. I'll be a leader on the prayer front here, and I await all of the fun stories with mixed feelings. Have a wonderful week, my friends on the Adventure, and I will miss you.

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Now playing: Jonas Brothers - I Am What I Am
via FoxyTunes

The boy never cryed again, and he never forgot what he'd learned: that to love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed.

That quote is from my newest book-love, City of Bones by Cassandra Clare. Part of the Mortal Instruments trilogy, it is a fluffy read full of adventure and love. I called a lot of the 'big twists' WAY before they happened, but that made it more fun - like one of Pastor Jon's sermons where I fill in all the blanks two minutes in and then find out if I'm right. =D Each of the three books, cleverly titled City of Bones, City of Ashes, and City of Glass, is a quick read, taking maybe four or five hours at my slower pace. That would not be the pace reserved fro Harry Potter and Twilight books. I can't read everything that fast. I own the first book, and reccomend it to people - although the less you read of the rest of it, the more you may like it.
I know that all of the hype regarding Cassandra Claire and her plagiarism happened way back in 2001, when I was just entering the fandom. I was shocked by the news, hurt even, as were many others. Her Draco Trilogy was my first novel-length fic, and I had loved her leatherpants!Draco as much as one could love a fictional character. The plot drew me into Draco Sinister, and I continued into Draco Dormiens – not knowing the uproar until a fellow fanfic writer warned me. I stopped reading, partly because there was no more to read at the time, and partly because I was astonished that anyone would try to do something like that. (If you don’t know anything about the Cassandra Claire debacle, or Cassiegate, you can read about it here.)
A few years later, whenever she finished Draco Veritas, I read the fics again for closure. I had liked the characters and the plot and wanted to know how it ended. I figured that she had been through the scandal and that was that. Little did I know that it would all come back again. This year, I found my old PDFs of the stories (which are admittedly better at acknowledging the quotes than her originals were) and started to reread – mostly because I was bored out of my mind and they were nostalgic. Having now been exposed to Buffy and other works she drew from, I found myself reading through a swamp of familiar one-liners but was unperturbed as I knew about it beforehand.
I was in the middle of Draco Veritas when I stumbled upon her very own published book: City of Bones, part one of the Mortal Instruments trilogy. I was a little surprised – she’d been known for rather blatant plagiarism, but I suppose she could have changed her ways. Also, her name has lost it’s ‘i’ – she was now just Cassandra Clare. Out of pure curiosity, and a love for blond bad-boys in leather pants, I bought the book. Reading it, I discovered my very favorite fanfiction Draco, cleverly disguised as Jace – who also is remarkably like Spike.
I also discovered familiar one-liners and other things that I sort of brushed past as allusions and oh-its-just-part-of-her-style. I feverishly finished the book – her writing has always been somewhat addictive – and struck out for the last two. I finished the series with a feeling of, well, disappointment. I had always thought that Cassie was a decent writer, and that she just needed to stop relying on the one-liners to carry her through. Apparently, she has not been able to let go of this crutch.
What made me angry, however, is what angered many people during the original fiasco: there were people who looked at the quotes and thought that they were Cassie’s original work! Now, in fanfiction, this is the biggest grey area in the world, mostly because fanfiction itself is a grey area. However, in the world of published fiction, I would like to see credit where credit is clearly due. If Cassie Clare cannot give even that, I may have to actually boycott her books.

Watch out for that girl. One day she may change the world.

I have my guilty face on today, because I may or may not now possess all four Jonas Brothers CDs. =D I'm not entirely sure what happened, but I definitely have them now. I could lie and pass it off as a gift to my adorable sister, but I secretly wanted them. They are definitely not the best, but there is something about cookie cutter pop that makes me want to know all the words. Madilyn and I love to watch their TV show, JONAS, and giggle about it.
Aside from the Jonas Fever that I have caught, I have found a new book-love and a new tv show. I'm starting with the show because I could probably spend an entire post on the book-love. NBC has started to air the first season of BBC's Merlin, which is ncredibly funny if not actually acurate. I took Arthurian Literature for Jan term this year, and we saw the previews for this show. Both Mathew and Madilyn watch it with me, but we missed it this week so my mission for tomorrow is to find the episode online. I'm not telling them that we could watch the rest of the season. =] I really like how the show portrays Merlin's magic - his eyes, normally blue, flash gold right before the magic happens. King Uther Pendragon is portrayed by the one and only Anthony Head, also known as GILES from Buffy the Vampire Slayer! I giggle a lot when he trying to be a tyrant. Merlin and Arthur are the same age, Gwen is Morgana's serving girl, and Lancelot has only been in one episode, but he looked like Ben Barnes so it's okay.
As for the book-love, there is an author named Cassandra Clare. If you were ever involved in Harry Potter fanfiction deeply, that name probably rings a bell. The infamous Cassandra Claire, who was accused of a lot of copyright infringement at one point - read about it here, wrote the epic fanfiction saga known as the Draco Trilogy (Draco Sinister, Draco Dormiens, and Draco Veritas) as well as the Very Secret Diaries, which was a LOTR spin-off. I have a whole other blog post to write about why I read her newly published Mortal Instruments series in light of all the accusations, but let me say here that I loved the published trilogy as much as I loved the fanfiction trilogy. I definitely reccomend them to anyone looking for something to take up some time in their lives now that Harry Potter and Twilight are done, but I would suggest just borrowing it from the library unless you find it cheap like I did. =]

And no matter what I do, I feel the pain - with or without you.

I'm currently sitting in a room at Great Wolf Lodge, being lazy and tired while my family is swimming and doing other water-fun-related things. It's been a fun trip so far, although the deathly water tube things are TERRIFYING. My mom forced me to go down them. I think the whole state could hear me scream as I went. It was soooo scary. The beds are soft, the food is delicious, there is a lounge for teens, and overall this place is kind of cool. There's even a game with wands and magical fairies called MagiQuest!
We took a break from the waterpark today to visit this thing called Mima Mounds. Basically, it's a prairie of random mounds that kind of look like giant gopher holes. It spreads out for acres and acres, and there are almost a million of the little mounds! I didn't get to take a picture 'cause I left my camera in the safe at the hotel. =[ If you've ever read Lord of the Rings, think about a very sunny Barrow-downs. If it had been dusk and super foggy, I would have run screaming in the other direction - or maybe crept forward slowly to spy on the barrow-wights and maybe find a nifty dagger like the Hobbits found! (You should definitely look them up on Google Images - just so you can see what I mean.)
I've been really tired all week and I'm not sure why. I also just discovered that two amazing people are coming up to visit my favorite church - MVPC - this week, and I won't be there becaues of this vacation! =[ I can't believe everyone gets to see Travis and Jeannie without me. Not that I should be complaining, since I'm sure my parents are spendng exorbitant amounts of money on us here. Oh, and the song that is my title today? Definitely came on shuffle as I was trying to decide what to put as my title. =D