I'm currently sitting in a room at Great Wolf Lodge, being lazy and tired while my family is swimming and doing other water-fun-related things. It's been a fun trip so far, although the deathly water tube things are TERRIFYING. My mom forced me to go down them. I think the whole state could hear me scream as I went. It was soooo scary. The beds are soft, the food is delicious, there is a lounge for teens, and overall this place is kind of cool. There's even a game with wands and magical fairies called MagiQuest!
We took a break from the waterpark today to visit this thing called Mima Mounds. Basically, it's a prairie of random mounds that kind of look like giant gopher holes. It spreads out for acres and acres, and there are almost a million of the little mounds! I didn't get to take a picture 'cause I left my camera in the safe at the hotel. =[ If you've ever read Lord of the Rings, think about a very sunny Barrow-downs. If it had been dusk and super foggy, I would have run screaming in the other direction - or maybe crept forward slowly to spy on the barrow-wights and maybe find a nifty dagger like the Hobbits found! (You should definitely look them up on Google Images - just so you can see what I mean.)
I've been really tired all week and I'm not sure why. I also just discovered that two amazing people are coming up to visit my favorite church - MVPC - this week, and I won't be there becaues of this vacation! =[ I can't believe everyone gets to see Travis and Jeannie without me. Not that I should be complaining, since I'm sure my parents are spendng exorbitant amounts of money on us here. Oh, and the song that is my title today? Definitely came on shuffle as I was trying to decide what to put as my title. =D
22 June 2009
Hopeless, head over heels in the moment...
I never thought that I'd get hit by this lovebug again.
Well, this is certainly an experience. I've still no real job, but I'm doing some writing on a pay-per-word basis and looking into other stuff like that. Most people do this as supplemental income, and so I'm not making nearly enough to pay for the London trip. =[ I really hope that I can work this out. Crap.
I'm enjoying the writing, though, and have been having a good summer besides my failure on the job front. My friends that are searching for jobs are failing almost as much as me, so I don't feel too bad. There's this site called I've Tried That, which is really helpful in finding scams and stuff so I don't get burnt. I'm hoping that I'll be able to generate enough money to have my parents agree to help pay until I can pay them back. I'm looking into paid blogging, which won't be the super fun posts I normally have, but those will still be here so don't be too disappointed that I'm selling out. I just really need to earn money so I can attend this class. British Culture Through Theatre and Music! =D
Oh, yeah, the new ads that you see are going to earn me some money too, or so I hope. My faithful little readers, I promise that I will return this site to its indie roots as soon as I can afford to live without money. I'm just trying to get by. You can't really blame me for trying to make a little cash, right? I'm still the same silly woman who watches JONAS with her little sister and is trying to get a B.A. in Theatre and English. I'm just writing about diamond engagement rings and making you look at some adds now too. ;] No worries!
Well, this is certainly an experience. I've still no real job, but I'm doing some writing on a pay-per-word basis and looking into other stuff like that. Most people do this as supplemental income, and so I'm not making nearly enough to pay for the London trip. =[ I really hope that I can work this out. Crap.
I'm enjoying the writing, though, and have been having a good summer besides my failure on the job front. My friends that are searching for jobs are failing almost as much as me, so I don't feel too bad. There's this site called I've Tried That, which is really helpful in finding scams and stuff so I don't get burnt. I'm hoping that I'll be able to generate enough money to have my parents agree to help pay until I can pay them back. I'm looking into paid blogging, which won't be the super fun posts I normally have, but those will still be here so don't be too disappointed that I'm selling out. I just really need to earn money so I can attend this class. British Culture Through Theatre and Music! =D
Oh, yeah, the new ads that you see are going to earn me some money too, or so I hope. My faithful little readers, I promise that I will return this site to its indie roots as soon as I can afford to live without money. I'm just trying to get by. You can't really blame me for trying to make a little cash, right? I'm still the same silly woman who watches JONAS with her little sister and is trying to get a B.A. in Theatre and English. I'm just writing about diamond engagement rings and making you look at some adds now too. ;] No worries!
06 June 2009
Must be the sign on my head that says: "Oh, love me dead!"
I don't want to hide behind it anymore but I've become so lost in me that I don't know who I am anymore.
Why does it seem to be that for every generation that grows up, they watch things get harder and grow more corrupt?
Believe in yourself and don't be afraid to have fun, be crazy, and love everyone as much as you love yourself. Be kind, too. No one likes a bitch. But if you meet someone who is mean and rude, give her the chance she deserves. Smile and be nice until she doesn't deserve your respect anymore, and then continue to smile and be nice. Don't allow her to make you feel like crap, but don't sink to her level either.
I took a teensy step forward and said "Hey...God? You can stop hitting me over the head with a two-by-four. I get it now." And so he put down the two-by-four and picked me up instead.
"Just because we don't ever hang out doesn't mean that I don't still love you. That will never be true."
I don't know how to do it or what to say or when to be there for him, but I have this obssesive need to save him before it all goes wrong.
There are two types of people in this world: those who see the truth and those who stare at it blindly. I'm afraid to be the one staring at it blindly.
I'm drowning, just as fast as I can, but don't reach out your hand, don't throw me a line, 'cause I'm on the brink of something beautiful.
I fall in love every day and I feel like a fool.
I'm a lot like you, so please, hello, I'm here, I'm waiting.
No one's going to realize you're having problems if you don't speak up.
I've been called everything under the sun.
So go ahead and call me names, I've grown used to it.
What can I say?
It's a bittersweet life I lead.
And I guess being who I am doesn't work with who you are.
What am I fighting for? There must be something more! For all these words I sing, do you feel anything? I said I'm okay, but I know how to lie.
After all this time? Always.
Always. In this one word, so much is summed up. There is promise, love, passion, rejection, hatred, pain, and most importantly, commitment. There is an entire life in that one word. =D
This has been my best kept secret for far too long.
the worst thing is that i'm afraid that i can't let go simply because i don't want to - that i find some sort of comfort in this feeling i've had for so long.
I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand.
He would want revenge.
Somehow, [she] always seemed infinitely capable of failing those [she] loved.
Everytime you walk away, I pretend that I'm okay.
Break my heart! Go on, tell me lies. Big surprise.
Tell me something meaningful and real.
You really are my lucky star.
Don't say goodbye, 'cause I don't want to hear those words tonight.
Why does it seem to be that for every generation that grows up, they watch things get harder and grow more corrupt?
Believe in yourself and don't be afraid to have fun, be crazy, and love everyone as much as you love yourself. Be kind, too. No one likes a bitch. But if you meet someone who is mean and rude, give her the chance she deserves. Smile and be nice until she doesn't deserve your respect anymore, and then continue to smile and be nice. Don't allow her to make you feel like crap, but don't sink to her level either.
I took a teensy step forward and said "Hey...God? You can stop hitting me over the head with a two-by-four. I get it now." And so he put down the two-by-four and picked me up instead.
"Just because we don't ever hang out doesn't mean that I don't still love you. That will never be true."
I don't know how to do it or what to say or when to be there for him, but I have this obssesive need to save him before it all goes wrong.
There are two types of people in this world: those who see the truth and those who stare at it blindly. I'm afraid to be the one staring at it blindly.
I'm drowning, just as fast as I can, but don't reach out your hand, don't throw me a line, 'cause I'm on the brink of something beautiful.
I fall in love every day and I feel like a fool.
I'm a lot like you, so please, hello, I'm here, I'm waiting.
No one's going to realize you're having problems if you don't speak up.
I've been called everything under the sun.
So go ahead and call me names, I've grown used to it.
What can I say?
It's a bittersweet life I lead.
And I guess being who I am doesn't work with who you are.
What am I fighting for? There must be something more! For all these words I sing, do you feel anything? I said I'm okay, but I know how to lie.
After all this time? Always.
Always. In this one word, so much is summed up. There is promise, love, passion, rejection, hatred, pain, and most importantly, commitment. There is an entire life in that one word. =D
This has been my best kept secret for far too long.
the worst thing is that i'm afraid that i can't let go simply because i don't want to - that i find some sort of comfort in this feeling i've had for so long.
I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand.
He would want revenge.
Somehow, [she] always seemed infinitely capable of failing those [she] loved.
Everytime you walk away, I pretend that I'm okay.
Break my heart! Go on, tell me lies. Big surprise.
Tell me something meaningful and real.
You really are my lucky star.
Don't say goodbye, 'cause I don't want to hear those words tonight.
25 May 2009
You want to be dressed in poetry, but imagery doesn't fit.
This is the creation that the nine hours I spent in PHX resulted in:
flowering - deflowered?
not positive. not negative.
pushing petals, pushing me.
creatively writing a life.
perfect illusions, pathetic allusions.
not even trying, barely caring.
emotions flickering across the surface,
not registering on the Richter scal.
who am I kidding?
lies spread fast when you're the only one who believes.
_________________________________________________
11:09 AM
pumpkin problems.
I'm no cinderella.
fairytale princes don't even look.
best friend to the princess.
overlooked by all
there are perks to this job
I'm a wallflower
pretty enough to be forgotten
"not memorable"
blank, allowed to be nothing.
more or less.
power - less.
pumpkin?
_________________________________________________
why can't i understand?
why won't you let me in?
who are you to hurt me so?
why do i trust you even though
i know you are bad for me?
i'm so selfish. pathetic.
embarrassing. fat.
it only takes one step.
could i be free?
would you let me?
do you know you hold the keys?
scratch that.
you've got the whole damn shebang.
the glint of your hair is a warning
that not a soul can read.
i'm not the only one in hiding.
_________________________________________________
i can't get off the ground
barely lift my head
no strength or hope
pained and young
a tortured soul
a wish, a spark,
a glint in your hair
crushed, burnt,
head spinning wildly
out of control again
no clue, no common sense
just little old me
tall, young me really
so full of cliche and allusion
not even speaking words of my own
_________________________________________________
Cute boy @ PHX ... after seven hours.
hey look!
your hair glints just like his.
your smile is crooked and cute.
you remind me of neil patrick harris.
how cool.
but i'm shy and quiet.
you're on your laptop, again.
confusion never looked so good.
i want to text you little =]'s
or give you a hug,
'cause i'm tired and stressed.
home would be nice.
i miss my boys,
and your smile is just right.
i give good hugs, i promise.
my head hurts. again.
airports give me migraines.
i see you looking at me,
out of the corner of your eye.
are you writing about me too?
your tie makes you look good.
blue stripes that match your eyes.
those eyes... yum.
but your hair glints just like his
so i can't.
i'm running away now.
flowering - deflowered?
not positive. not negative.
pushing petals, pushing me.
creatively writing a life.
perfect illusions, pathetic allusions.
not even trying, barely caring.
emotions flickering across the surface,
not registering on the Richter scal.
who am I kidding?
lies spread fast when you're the only one who believes.
_________________________________________________
11:09 AM
pumpkin problems.
I'm no cinderella.
fairytale princes don't even look.
best friend to the princess.
overlooked by all
there are perks to this job
I'm a wallflower
pretty enough to be forgotten
"not memorable"
blank, allowed to be nothing.
more or less.
power - less.
pumpkin?
_________________________________________________
why can't i understand?
why won't you let me in?
who are you to hurt me so?
why do i trust you even though
i know you are bad for me?
i'm so selfish. pathetic.
embarrassing. fat.
it only takes one step.
could i be free?
would you let me?
do you know you hold the keys?
scratch that.
you've got the whole damn shebang.
the glint of your hair is a warning
that not a soul can read.
i'm not the only one in hiding.
_________________________________________________
i can't get off the ground
barely lift my head
no strength or hope
pained and young
a tortured soul
a wish, a spark,
a glint in your hair
crushed, burnt,
head spinning wildly
out of control again
no clue, no common sense
just little old me
tall, young me really
so full of cliche and allusion
not even speaking words of my own
_________________________________________________
Cute boy @ PHX ... after seven hours.
hey look!
your hair glints just like his.
your smile is crooked and cute.
you remind me of neil patrick harris.
how cool.
but i'm shy and quiet.
you're on your laptop, again.
confusion never looked so good.
i want to text you little =]'s
or give you a hug,
'cause i'm tired and stressed.
home would be nice.
i miss my boys,
and your smile is just right.
i give good hugs, i promise.
my head hurts. again.
airports give me migraines.
i see you looking at me,
out of the corner of your eye.
are you writing about me too?
your tie makes you look good.
blue stripes that match your eyes.
those eyes... yum.
but your hair glints just like his
so i can't.
i'm running away now.
22 May 2009
Oh, how I meant to tease him. Oh, how I meant no harm.
One would think that I would have better luck with airports, after 18 years of flying standby. Nope. I spent a wonderful NINE HOURS stuck in Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport yesterday, with a total of four dollars in my wallet and no access to an ATM because the only ATM in the airport is outside of security. Wonderful.
The trip to Arizona, however, was quite fun. I flew out Monday morning to see my best friend Melanie graduate high school. =] I got to see a lot of her family that I hadn't seen since I "was this tall". The height that each person gestured to was about the same, surprisingly. I hung out with Mel and her cousin Nick, mostly.
Side Note: I'm watching Benny & Joon right now, and Johnny Depp is ADORABLE. ^-^ I heart this movie, and I'm recognizing places! I'm definitely making grilled cheese with my iron next year. teehee.
We took a trip to the Grand Canyon, which was just as breathtaking as the first time I saw it with Mel when we were like twelve. I took lots of pictures - okay, I took forty while I was there - and although none of them do it justice, I'll probably include a few here, and there will definitely be an album on Facebook. We walked all over the place, and saw creepy gargantuan beetles, and heard weird clicking noises from every direction. We even got Mel to walk out to the edge and look over. It's a long way down!
I just loved my little mini-vacation, and now its on to the epic job search '09! If any of you hear of an opening, please let me know!
07 May 2009
Everyone wants to know true love is true...
So I've apparently just failed at upkeep with this blog. =] It's almost finals week! I can't believe how fast freshman year has gone by.
I'm an ASM in Broadway Unbound this week, which means today and tomorrow and completely devoted to the theatre (except for that 7 page paper for Life/Teachings). I'm way too excited about spending 4-10pm in the theatre. I also applied to be House Manager next year! JTL really likes me, as does Jenn and Brooke. I'm slowly breaking into the department!
I miss you all so much. I picked up my Finals Survival Kit today - though it might turn into a theatre survival kit since I don't get to eat dinner tonight or tomorrow - and the notes were soooooo cute. Thanks guys!
I'm writing my seven page paper right now - which is technically a really long letter, but hey - about Jesus as a life guide! I pulled eight books off my shelf and had most of my necessary sources. =] I'm quite excited to write this letter, imaginary circumstances and all.
I just got back from rehearsal. 4-10:30. Gah. I'm dying. The headset that I wear as ASM gave me a headache. Tomorrow will go much smoother, though. I also learned how to switch gels! I could be a techie! Teehee.
Alright, I'm going to go finish my paper now. Toodleoo!
I'm an ASM in Broadway Unbound this week, which means today and tomorrow and completely devoted to the theatre (except for that 7 page paper for Life/Teachings). I'm way too excited about spending 4-10pm in the theatre. I also applied to be House Manager next year! JTL really likes me, as does Jenn and Brooke. I'm slowly breaking into the department!
I miss you all so much. I picked up my Finals Survival Kit today - though it might turn into a theatre survival kit since I don't get to eat dinner tonight or tomorrow - and the notes were soooooo cute. Thanks guys!
I'm writing my seven page paper right now - which is technically a really long letter, but hey - about Jesus as a life guide! I pulled eight books off my shelf and had most of my necessary sources. =] I'm quite excited to write this letter, imaginary circumstances and all.
I just got back from rehearsal. 4-10:30. Gah. I'm dying. The headset that I wear as ASM gave me a headache. Tomorrow will go much smoother, though. I also learned how to switch gels! I could be a techie! Teehee.
Alright, I'm going to go finish my paper now. Toodleoo!
10 March 2009
Right Here
I don't know if I'm ready
or if I'm only stalling
I don't know what to do
I'm so scared
I'm afraid
That I'll be the one
To love you or to hurt you
And that I'll be done
Before I can tell you
That I don't know where I'm going
But I'm thinking that you should be
Right here with me
I don't know how to tell you
That I think I'm falling
I don't know what to do
I'm so happy
I'm afraid
That I'll be the one
To love you or to hurt you
And that I'll be done
Before I can tell you
That I don't know where I'm going
But I'm thinking that you should be
Right here with me
I want you here beside me
I need to hear you love me
I don't want to hurt you
But I don't know how
& I'm afraid
That I'll be the one
To love you or to hurt you
And that I'll be done
Before I can tell you
That I don't know where I'm going
But I'm thinking that you should be
Right here with me
_______________________________________
or if I'm only stalling
I don't know what to do
I'm so scared
I'm afraid
That I'll be the one
To love you or to hurt you
And that I'll be done
Before I can tell you
That I don't know where I'm going
But I'm thinking that you should be
Right here with me
I don't know how to tell you
That I think I'm falling
I don't know what to do
I'm so happy
I'm afraid
That I'll be the one
To love you or to hurt you
And that I'll be done
Before I can tell you
That I don't know where I'm going
But I'm thinking that you should be
Right here with me
I want you here beside me
I need to hear you love me
I don't want to hurt you
But I don't know how
& I'm afraid
That I'll be the one
To love you or to hurt you
And that I'll be done
Before I can tell you
That I don't know where I'm going
But I'm thinking that you should be
Right here with me
_______________________________________
Those are the lyrics to that song I said I wrote. It has a tune, as well, but I can't really write that down. I've got it in my head, though. ^-^ I don't know where it came from, honestly, but all of a sudden there was a song writing itself in my head. The bridge is still wonky, but its growing on me and might not change anymore. If you would like to hear it, let me know. I can sing it for you...if my nerves don't get the better of me.
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